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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Life Coach Has Losing Record

BURLINGTON, VT—Life coach David Harmon, 48, has yet to lead anyone to a major victory and has tallied a mere 6–18–1 record in his two years in the position, sources report. "I just don't know if he has what it takes to go all the way," said a former charge of Harmon's who asked not to be named. "Look at the string of losers he coached. Jack Foley? Still an assistant manager at the Burger Basket. Janet Flansbury? Divorced again, which makes three times. Did David prepare these people to go out there and win? Hell, I'm not even sure he understood the rules." Harmon's reputation has been frequently called into question by those who claim that, if life coaching is even necessary, it should only be done by those who have played the game themselves.
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