ESTES PARK, CO—Following their 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, the Denver Broncos held a championship parade Tuesday through an icy and treacherous stretch of the Rocky Mountains.
BURLINGTON, VT—Life coach David Harmon, 48, has yet to lead anyone to a major victory and has tallied a mere 6–18–1 record in his two years in the position, sources report. "I just don't know if he has what it takes to go all the way," said a former charge of Harmon's who asked not to be named. "Look at the string of losers he coached. Jack Foley? Still an assistant manager at the Burger Basket. Janet Flansbury? Divorced again, which makes three times. Did David prepare these people to go out there and win? Hell, I'm not even sure he understood the rules." Harmon's reputation has been frequently called into question by those who claim that, if life coaching is even necessary, it should only be done by those who have played the game themselves.