Life Much Better Thanks To Recent Elections

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Local Household Announces Plans To Overdo Halloween Again

HIGHLAND PARK, IL—Having hauled over a dozen boxes of lights and plastic decorations as well as a large black-cat-shaped lawn inflatable from storage, members of the Hutchcroft family announced to neighbors from their front yard Thursday their plan to completely overdo Halloween again this year.

Life Much Better Thanks To Recent Elections

WASHINGTON, DC–Life in the U.S. has significantly improved as a result of the Sept. 3 elections, according to a Georgetown University report released Tuesday. "The elections have brought about a great deal of positive change," the report read. "Healthcare is universal, the environment is cleaner and streets are safer. These new politicians are the ones we needed."