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Lifelong Boise Resident Realizes He's Never Been To Morrison Knudsen Nature Center

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Ronald McDonald Statue Bears Full Brunt Of Teenagers’ Mockery

CLEVELAND—Remaining stoically silent throughout the barrage of vicious insults, unsavory accusations, and various other indignities directed at it, a statue of Ronald McDonald seated on a bench outside the fast-food chain’s Clark Avenue location is said to have borne the full force of a group of teenagers’ mockery Thursday.

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OXNARD, CA—Silently chastising herself for the way she behaved in front of her colleagues and supervisors, Cobalt Property Insurance sales associate Leah Manning, 36, was reportedly deeply worried Tuesday that she came off as too competent during the company’s weekly sales meeting.

Mom Has Stacked Dinner Party Roster

GOLDEN, CO—Their eyes widening in amazement as the 43-year-old rattled off the names of heavy hitter after heavy hitter, impressed members of the Dreeshen household confirmed Friday that the roster for their mom’s upcoming dinner party was absolutely stacked.

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CHICAGO—Brazenly strolling through the rows of desks while pointing out the firm’s various departments to his two guests, Lodestone Media intern Nate Kapper, 19, made the incredibly bold move of giving his parents a tour of the company’s offices Wednesday, sources reported.

Beautiful Spring Day No Match For Last 35 Years Of Man’s Life

LITTLE ROCK, AR—Nullified almost immediately by the collective force of decades’ worth of resentment and disappointment, a bright and beautiful spring day was said to be no match for the past 35 years of local man Thomas Unger’s life, sources confirmed Tuesday.

Coffee Stain On Shirt Not As Big A Deal This Morning

CHICAGO—Calmly brushing off the accident that would have normally left him incensed, local man Alex Perkins, 36, told reporters Tuesday that, all things considered, the fresh coffee stain on his shirt is not as big a deal this morning.
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Lifelong Boise Resident Realizes He's Never Been To Morrison Knudsen Nature Center

BOISE, ID—Explaining to reporters that he’s been meaning to see it for years, lifelong Boise resident Dale Kirkbride acknowledged Friday that he has never visited the city’s popular Morrison Knudsen Nature Center. “I know, I know—I really should get out there, but I never seem to find the time,” said Kirkbride, who confirmed numerous friends and coworkers have told him the butterfly gardens alone are worth the price of admission. “Everyone loves the Morrison Knudsen. It’s what people come to Boise to see. Meanwhile, I’ve lived 10 minutes away from it my whole life and somehow never gotten around to it. What’s wrong with me?” At press time, sources confirmed Kirkbride had at long last visited the nature center, where he looked around briefly, bought a hat in the gift shop, and then drove back home.

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