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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Lifelong Boise Resident Realizes He's Never Been To Morrison Knudsen Nature Center

BOISE, ID—Explaining to reporters that he’s been meaning to see it for years, lifelong Boise resident Dale Kirkbride acknowledged Friday that he has never visited the city’s popular Morrison Knudsen Nature Center. “I know, I know—I really should get out there, but I never seem to find the time,” said Kirkbride, who confirmed numerous friends and coworkers have told him the butterfly gardens alone are worth the price of admission. “Everyone loves the Morrison Knudsen. It’s what people come to Boise to see. Meanwhile, I’ve lived 10 minutes away from it my whole life and somehow never gotten around to it. What’s wrong with me?” At press time, sources confirmed Kirkbride had at long last visited the nature center, where he looked around briefly, bought a hat in the gift shop, and then drove back home.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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