adBlockCheck

Lifelong Love Affair With Music Ends At Age 35

Top Headlines

Recent News

What’s Inside Trump’s Tax Returns

Donald Trump’s aides have confirmed that the Republican presidential nominee will not release his tax returns despite numerous public calls for him to honor the expectation of transparency for presidential hopefuls. Here are some of the potentially damning contents that Trump prefers not to release to the public

NASA Launches First Cordless Satellite

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL—In what experts are calling a breakthrough achievement that is poised to revolutionize American space exploration and telecommunications, NASA announced Friday it has successfully launched its first cordless satellite into orbit.

Hillary Clinton Holds Infant Grandson Upside Down By Ankle In Front Of Convention Crowd

‘Family,’ Candidate Says

PHILADELPHIA—Seeking to make her case to the nation’s voters as she accepted her party’s presidential nomination Thursday night, Hillary Clinton reportedly began her headlining address at the Democratic National Convention by holding her infant grandson, Aidan, upside down by his ankle and firmly intoning the word “Family” in front of the assembled crowd.

Hillary Clinton Waiting In Wings Of Stage Since 6 A.M. For DNC Speech

PHILADELPHIA—Saying she arrived hours before any of the members of the production crew, sources confirmed Thursday that presidential nominee Hillary Clinton has been waiting in the wings of the Wells Fargo Center stage since six o’clock this morning to deliver her speech at the Democratic National Convention.

Depressed, Butter-Covered Tom Vilsack Enters Sixth Day Of Corn Bender After Losing VP Spot

WASHINGTON—Saying she has grown increasingly concerned about her husband’s mental and physical well-being since last Friday, Christie Vilsack, the wife of Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack, told reporters Thursday that the despondent, butter-covered cabinet member has entered the sixth day of a destructive corn bender after being passed over for the Democratic vice presidential spot.

Superfoods: Myth Vs. Fact

Though the media often heralds certain foods as cancer-fighting or immune-building, many of these claims don’t hold up to scientific scrutiny. The Onion separates the myths from the facts regarding so-called superfoods

Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Lifelong Love Affair With Music Ends At Age 35

CLEVELAND, OH—Sam Powers' lifelong passion for music ended this past weekend, when the 35-year-old camera-store assistant manager realized that he no longer derives pleasure from listening to and acquiring new music.

Powers, who no longer has strong feelings for music, enjoys a quiet evening alone.

"It's always sad when something you thought would last forever ends, but I simply don't have the energy to put into it anymore," Powers said Monday. "I'll always love music, but it's not going to be at the center of my life anymore. My priorities have changed, I guess."

Powers said he realized the love affair, which began in 1979 when his brother introduced him to the first Van Halen album, was over Saturday. While preparing spaghetti at his home, Powers chose silence over a TV On The Radio album his friend had burned him.

"Last week, my buddy went to see this band, but I just didn't feel like going out that night," Powers said. "I started to listen to their album, and even though it really seemed like my type of music—well, I didn't know any of the songs. I was just about to put Beck on when I realized that I'd rather be alone with my thoughts.'"

"Look," Powers added, holding the fingers of his right hand aloft. "My nails used to be worn to the quick from peeling off CD seals. Look at them now. I'm gonna have to use clippers."

While he said he will miss the deep bonds forged during a lengthy relationship based on respect and admiration, Powers declared the painful decision final.

"Things were running on autopilot for the past few years," Powers said, pulling a copy of the 1982 X album Under The Big Black Sun from his shelf and staring at it. "I went through the motions for a while—buying a few CDs off the critics' year-end lists and making it out to a show here and there. But really, that rush I used to feel was gone."

Powers said it was during the mid-'90s that his longtime flirtation with music developed into a serious involvement with the post-punk scene, one that some say bordered on obsession.

"If he wasn't at a show or a record store, he was at home listening to music," friend Keith Tellingham said. "Music and Sam were inseparable. He always had a CD player on him. You couldn't be around him for more than five minutes without him bringing up music. Man, he had it bad. I still remember the glow on his face at the Shellac/Tar/Six Finger Satellite show a decade ago."

In spite of reports like Tellingham's, Powers said he is now secure enough in his musical tastes to not need to chase down new bands like he did when he was younger.

"When I was 22, I felt I needed to find out who was out there and experiment with all different kinds of music," Powers said. "But I just don't have the stamina for that now. I can't get up the energy to seek it out anymore. I'd rather just listen to the bands I already know. If that, even."

As recently as 1996, Powers could express some familiarity with nearly every popular recording artist. Today, he draws a blank when asked to recall any current Top 10 single.

"The type is so tiny on these charts," Powers said. "What's 'Los Lonely Boys'? Are they like Los Lobos? What's with the 'Los'? 'Hoobastank'? Jesus. Probably some shit punk-metal band, right? No, on second thought, don't tell me. I don't even want to know."

Longtime friend Dean Halperin said that it was Powers' own refusal to commit sufficient time and energy to music that destroyed what was once a rewarding part of his life.

"This was a guy who was front and center for every important show in Cleveland," Halperin said. "During the Crooked Fingers concert I dragged him out to last January, Sam just sat at the back of the room wearing earplugs! I even caught him watching the infomercial airing above the bar. It's too bad that it ended this way, but it's hard to feel sorry for the guy. He just wasn't committed."

Powers' breakup with music dismayed and perplexed Michael Chaudhary, singer and lead guitarist for Same Four Guys, a local band Powers saw occasionally during the past several years.

"Fuck [Powers]," Chaudhary said. "What does he think? That he can drop me from his life, just like that? I should've known he was never going to get serious about being our fan. If he was, he would've done the right thing and bought one of our T-shirts a long time ago."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close