adBlockCheck

Recent News

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
End Of Section
  • More News

Lilith Fair Performers, Attendees Achieve Largest-Ever Synchronized Ovulation

SALT LAKE CITY, UT–In what is believed to be the largest group ovulation in history, more than 20,000 Lilith Fair performers and attendees simultaneously released ova into their uteruses Tuesday.

Singers Sarah McLachlan (left) and Paula Cole celebrate the history-making egg-release.

The collective egg-release, which took place at 11:24 p.m. MST, capped off a five-hour concert featuring such nurturing, supportive female artists as Paula Cole, Shawn Colvin, Natalie Merchant, and Lilith Fair founder Sarah McLachlan.

"This mass ovulation is a celebration of our fertility. It's a celebration of our sisterhood," said McLachlan, her uterine wall lined with nutrient-rich blood. "By releasing these eggs, we recognize and honor our collective femininity."

Singer Joan Osborne, who joined McLachlan in a duet of the McLachlan hit "Sweet Surrender" following the historic ovulation, called the experience "the most affirming of my life."

"The energy radiated by everyone on stage and in the crowd was exhilarating. As a woman, I felt totally empowered," said Osborne, whose 1997 song "One Of Us" spent six weeks at the top of the charts. "My fallopian tubes are glowing."

According to McLachlan, the synchronized ovulation, sponsored by Volkswagen, Starbucks and Bioré Pore Cleansing Strips, was successful because of the "incredibly supportive atmosphere" of the concert.

"Everyone at the show was surrounded by other women who understand what they go through on a daily basis in this society," McLachlan said. "Knowing you have that kind of strong support system around you makes it that much easier to ovulate."

Lilith Fair concertgoers cheer ovaried singer Shawn Colvin.

Among the other artists who participated in the historic egg-release: Suzanne Vega, Amy Ray and Emily Saliers of the Indigo Girls, Sheryl Crow, Meredith Brooks, Erykah Badu and Jewel.

"To me, this is what Lilith Fair all about," Saliers said. "To be able to get up on that stage and imbed an ovum in your uterus in front of 20,000 screaming, fertile fans who are doing the same thing, well, that's just the ultimate."

"I've never been around so many people who share my interest in women's issues and social justice," Jewel said. "It makes me want to ride my horse bareback through a forest stream."

Fans were equally excited.

"Without a doubt, that was the best concert I've ever been to," said Rebecca Roth of Ogden, UT, wearing her $27 "I Ovulated At Lilith Fair" souvenir T-shirt. "The Indigo Girls and Sheryl Crow and Natalie Merchant were all so amazing. And Sarah [McLachlan] looked beautiful. I have to get that skirt she was wearing."

"I am going to be so sad when I menstruate my egg," fellow concertgoer Angela Hiller of Provo, UT, said. "I totally wish I could keep it inside me forever as a reminder of this special day."

The Lilith Fair tour concludes Aug. 31 in Vancouver, British Columbia.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close