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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Linguistics Professor Tells Notre Dame Leprechaun To Sit The Fuck Down In Class

SOUTH BEND, IN—Multiple sources confirmed Thursday that Notre Dame Professor Geoffrey Morell paused his linguistics lecture to tell the student dressed as the Leprechaun to sit the fuck down. “Johnny, cool it, because you’re bothering me and you’re bothering the class,” said Morell, adding that he was tired of warning him every single week about this type of shit. “I know you do your dumb little song and dance during the games, but right now you’re a student, so act like it and just get in your fucking seat. Oh, and when you are out there on Saturdays, everybody thinks you’re making a goddamn fool of yourself. You are not a part of the team, you are not even a part of the band, and frankly, I think in 10 years you are going to look back on this and feel like a complete jackass. Open your damn notebook.” According to witnesses, Professor Morell also informed the Leprechaun that if he ever again walks into his classroom to find “Football Game This Saturday!” written on one of the blackboards, Morell would not hesitate to fail his ass.

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