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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Lions Fans Excited To Be Booing Again

DETROIT—After their team dropped its second-straight game Sunday, Detroit Lions fans told reporters they were thrilled to get back to booing the hapless franchise. "Coming to the games and being disappointed at everything on the field for three consecutive hours—this is what it means to be a Lions fan," said Detroit resident Jim Kesseler, who has followed the team and booed it all his life. "I don't know how to cheer, and I'm glad I never wasted my time learning." The fans also expressed relief that newcomers to the Lions bandwagon were already leaving after two losses, as longtime supporters of the team were uncomfortable interacting with people who had not seen the franchise they love humiliated year after year.

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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

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