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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Lions Owner Claims He Fired Matt Millen Three Years Ago

DETROIT—Lions owner William Clay Ford, Sr. expressed consternation and anger Monday upon realizing that Matt Millen had been acting as president and general manager of the team for the past three years. "I could have sworn I'd fired that lunkhead back in '05 and promoted Mariucci," Ford said when reporters questioned him about Millen leaving the team. "I guess that's why I kept seeing him in the halls. My God, how's the team been doing?" Ford excused himself without further comment on the issue, saying he had to call star running back Barry Sanders and assure him his job with the team was safe regardless of front-office issues.

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