Lions Victory Celebration Ultimately Plunges Fans Into Deeper Depression

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Vol 45 Issue 40

Reds Cut Magic Number To 17

CINCINNATI—Trailing the first-place Cardinals by only 15 games with less than a week to go in the regular season, the Cincinnati Reds cut their magic number down to 17 with a win over St. Louis Tuesday.
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Lions Victory Celebration Ultimately Plunges Fans Into Deeper Depression

DETROIT—Euphoria gave way to deep, unwavering depression Sunday when fans celebrating the Detroit Lions' first win in two years realized the utter insignificance of the accomplishment, and how pathetic their unadulterated joy must have looked to the rest of the country. "I actually jumped into the arms of a complete stranger because we won against a team that finished in last place last year," Lions fan Joe Kula said of the team's 19-14 victory over the Redskins. "Celebrating a week-three victory like we just won a Super Bowl is not only unwarranted, it is preposterous and humiliating. We're a terrible football team. Oh, my God, we're so terrible." A postgame effort by the Lions to build a victory stage at the 50-yard line to honor the achievement was abandoned mid-construction.

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