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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

The Onion Introduces: The Book Bjorn

Replete with an astonishing assemblage of facts, illustrations, maps, charts, threats, blood and additional fees to edify even the most simple-minded book-buyer, The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge is packed with valuable information--such as the life stage...

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.
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List Of Things Man Wants To Do Before He Dies Just List Of TV Shows

SCHAUMBURG, IL—When Jack Mannahan's elderly father passed away this spring, the 53-year-old decided to draw up a list of things that he had to do before he could die a happy man. The document, which was recently leaked to the press, turned out to be nothing more than a listing of popular television shows. "There's so much I have yet to experience, like finally catching up on the last couple years of 24," Mannahan said. "My life won't feel complete if I never see what Veronica Mars is all about. And I need to finish about a half-dozen seasons of The Simpsons. Also, I'm ashamed to say it, but I've never even seen an episode of that House show that's gotten such rave reviews." Mannahan added that the loss of his father has given him a new perspective on the importance of family, motivating him to finally crack the plastic on the Battlestar Galactica DVDs his son bought him last Christmas.

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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

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