Listen To The First Jock Jam, 'Inside The Bowels Of The Great Steam-Ship'

Top Headlines


Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Listen To The First Jock Jam, 'Inside The Bowels Of The Great Steam-Ship'

It was in 1902 that an obscure composer named Alexander Oriana forever changed the sporting landscape by introducing the first Jock Jam at Sportsman's Park in St. Louis, Missouri. Though his name has largely been forgotten to history, his contributions to music and sports have not -- every pounding bass line and blaring orchestra hit you hear in Jock Jams today can be traced back to Oriana's experiments in dissonance and uncomfortable volume in his St. Louis studio.

For the first time, the Onion Sports Network has obtained a recording of Oriana's song "Inside The Bowels Of The Great Steam-Ship." Listen below for an exclusive look at the genesis of screeching stadium pump-up music.

The Bowels Of The Great Steam-Ship

While inventing the modern Jock Jam from his theories about agitating crowds and shattering the peace and natural rhythm of sporting events, composer Alexander Oriana kept a detailed journal of his experiments in shrieking, unpleasant noise. Here are some of the records he kept:

Letters from those who attended the game show a crowd deeply shaken and disturbed by the rioting that engulfed the stadium, and the noise that precipitated it. Reactions like these further convinced Oriana that his grand experiment had been a success, and though it would take decades to overcome the resistance of squeamish fans, history would bear him out.


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close