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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Listen To The First Jock Jam, 'Inside The Bowels Of The Great Steam-Ship'

It was in 1902 that an obscure composer named Alexander Oriana forever changed the sporting landscape by introducing the first Jock Jam at Sportsman's Park in St. Louis, Missouri. Though his name has largely been forgotten to history, his contributions to music and sports have not -- every pounding bass line and blaring orchestra hit you hear in Jock Jams today can be traced back to Oriana's experiments in dissonance and uncomfortable volume in his St. Louis studio.

For the first time, the Onion Sports Network has obtained a recording of Oriana's song "Inside The Bowels Of The Great Steam-Ship." Listen below for an exclusive look at the genesis of screeching stadium pump-up music.

The Bowels Of The Great Steam-Ship

While inventing the modern Jock Jam from his theories about agitating crowds and shattering the peace and natural rhythm of sporting events, composer Alexander Oriana kept a detailed journal of his experiments in shrieking, unpleasant noise. Here are some of the records he kept:

Letters from those who attended the game show a crowd deeply shaken and disturbed by the rioting that engulfed the stadium, and the noise that precipitated it. Reactions like these further convinced Oriana that his grand experiment had been a success, and though it would take decades to overcome the resistance of squeamish fans, history would bear him out.

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