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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.

How To Combat Harassment Online

Online harassment is an increasingly contentious issue, with social media sites like Twitter and Reddit pressured to crack down on users’ abusive behavior. Here are The Onion’s tips for combating harassment online:
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WONN5 Cares About Pennington!

We devote 20 hours of airtime to locally produced programming every week. If you have an idea for a show of your own, please contact the WONN5 programming director, Blake Randall. (Please do not call during the noon or evening news broadcast.)

Weekly Programming

  • Sundays, 7:00 AM Holbrook On Call: Call-in advice from Pennington's best and only doctor
  • Sundays, 8:00 AM First Lutheran Church Sunday Morning Service
  • Mondays, 11:00 AM Get Fit with Darryl's New Wife Tina
  • Mondays, 11:00 AM Dog Training with Tim Seidell and his dog, Gladiator
  • Tuesdays, 11:00 AM Makeup By Megan
  • Wednesdays, 10:00 AM My Two Dads, reruns of Mayor Hallinan's favorite show
  • Wednesdays, 11:00 AM Pennington Justice with Greene County Judge Fred Cary
  • Thursdays, 11:00 AM Chef Argento's Cuisine de Pennington with Chef Argento of Argento's Place
  • Thursdays, 11:30 PM Late Night Laughs w/ Phil Hamm
  • Fridays, 11:00 AM Sir Science!: Join valiant knight Sir Science (6th Grade science teacher Lee Hildebrandt) as he and his trusty horse Hypothesis explore the world around us
  • Saturdays, 11:00 AM Bass Fishing on Pennington Lake: Fishing with Tom Toomey, 'Skip' Kerr, and other local legends of bass fishing

Special Events This Week

  • Monday, 3:00 PM Pennington Intervention: Eddie Pratt
  • Tuesday, 3:00 PM World Beats Music And Dance: Live From Pennington Rec Center
  • Wednesday, 3:00 PM State of the Town Address with Mayor Sue Hallinan
  • Thursday, 3:00 PM PHS Pep Rally: Go Deer!
  • Friday, 3:00 PM Pennington Junior College Presents: Pennington Rocks!: A look into Pennington's music scene with Kara and Cam
  • Saturday, 1:00 PM WONN5 Presents: Implosion of the old Wheatman's Pride cracker factory LIVE!

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