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A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Family Sadly Marks First 4/20 Without Grandmother

ALBANY, NY—Reminiscing about the departed matriarch while partaking in the annual festivities, members of the Osterman family sadly marked their first 4/20 since the passing of their grandmother, sources reported Thursday.

Report: Store Out Of Good Kind

UTICA, NY—Unable to locate them on their usual shelf, local man George Rambart, 41, reported Thursday that the store was out of the good kind.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
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WONN5 Cares About Pennington!

We devote 20 hours of airtime to locally produced programming every week. If you have an idea for a show of your own, please contact the WONN5 programming director, Blake Randall. (Please do not call during the noon or evening news broadcast.)

Weekly Programming

  • Sundays, 7:00 AM Holbrook On Call: Call-in advice from Pennington's best and only doctor
  • Sundays, 8:00 AM First Lutheran Church Sunday Morning Service
  • Mondays, 11:00 AM Get Fit with Darryl's New Wife Tina
  • Mondays, 11:00 AM Dog Training with Tim Seidell and his dog, Gladiator
  • Tuesdays, 11:00 AM Makeup By Megan
  • Wednesdays, 10:00 AM My Two Dads, reruns of Mayor Hallinan's favorite show
  • Wednesdays, 11:00 AM Pennington Justice with Greene County Judge Fred Cary
  • Thursdays, 11:00 AM Chef Argento's Cuisine de Pennington with Chef Argento of Argento's Place
  • Thursdays, 11:30 PM Late Night Laughs w/ Phil Hamm
  • Fridays, 11:00 AM Sir Science!: Join valiant knight Sir Science (6th Grade science teacher Lee Hildebrandt) as he and his trusty horse Hypothesis explore the world around us
  • Saturdays, 11:00 AM Bass Fishing on Pennington Lake: Fishing with Tom Toomey, 'Skip' Kerr, and other local legends of bass fishing

Special Events This Week

  • Monday, 3:00 PM Pennington Intervention: Eddie Pratt
  • Tuesday, 3:00 PM World Beats Music And Dance: Live From Pennington Rec Center
  • Wednesday, 3:00 PM State of the Town Address with Mayor Sue Hallinan
  • Thursday, 3:00 PM PHS Pep Rally: Go Deer!
  • Friday, 3:00 PM Pennington Junior College Presents: Pennington Rocks!: A look into Pennington's music scene with Kara and Cam
  • Saturday, 1:00 PM WONN5 Presents: Implosion of the old Wheatman's Pride cracker factory LIVE!

More from this section

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Family Sadly Marks First 4/20 Without Grandmother

ALBANY, NY—Reminiscing about the departed matriarch while partaking in the annual festivities, members of the Osterman family sadly marked their first 4/20 since the passing of their grandmother, sources reported Thursday.

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