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What Is Trump Hiding?

As The Onion’s 300,000 staffers in its news bureaus and manual labor camps around the world continue to pore through the immense trove of documents obtained from an anonymous White House source, the answers that are emerging to these questions are deeply unnerving and suggest grave outcomes for the American people, the current international order, Wolf Blitzer, four of the five Great Lakes, and most devastatingly, the nation’s lighthouses and lighthouse keepers.

Deep Blue Quietly Celebrates 10th Anniversary With Garry Kasparov’s Ex-Wife

PITTSBURGH—Red wine and candlelight on the table before them, Deep Blue, the supercomputer that defeated reigning world chess champion Garry Kasparov in 1997, and Kasparov’s ex-wife, Yulia Vovk, quietly celebrated their 10th anniversary on Wednesday at a small French restaurant near Carnegie Mellon University, where Deep Blue was created.

A Timeline Of Aviation History

This Saturday marks 90 years since aviator Charles Lindbergh made his historic first nonstop solo transatlantic flight from New York to Paris aboard the Spirit Of St. Louis. The Onion takes a look back at the most important milestones in the history of aviation.

Zales Introduces New Line Of Casual Dating Diamond Rings

IRVING, TX—In a move aimed at reaching the millions of Americans just having a little fun for now, jewelry retailer Zales announced Thursday that it has expanded its product line to include a brand-new collection of diamond casual dating rings.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.
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WONN5 Cares About Pennington!

We devote 20 hours of airtime to locally produced programming every week. If you have an idea for a show of your own, please contact the WONN5 programming director, Blake Randall. (Please do not call during the noon or evening news broadcast.)

Weekly Programming

  • Sundays, 7:00 AM Holbrook On Call: Call-in advice from Pennington's best and only doctor
  • Sundays, 8:00 AM First Lutheran Church Sunday Morning Service
  • Mondays, 11:00 AM Get Fit with Darryl's New Wife Tina
  • Mondays, 11:00 AM Dog Training with Tim Seidell and his dog, Gladiator
  • Tuesdays, 11:00 AM Makeup By Megan
  • Wednesdays, 10:00 AM My Two Dads, reruns of Mayor Hallinan's favorite show
  • Wednesdays, 11:00 AM Pennington Justice with Greene County Judge Fred Cary
  • Thursdays, 11:00 AM Chef Argento's Cuisine de Pennington with Chef Argento of Argento's Place
  • Thursdays, 11:30 PM Late Night Laughs w/ Phil Hamm
  • Fridays, 11:00 AM Sir Science!: Join valiant knight Sir Science (6th Grade science teacher Lee Hildebrandt) as he and his trusty horse Hypothesis explore the world around us
  • Saturdays, 11:00 AM Bass Fishing on Pennington Lake: Fishing with Tom Toomey, 'Skip' Kerr, and other local legends of bass fishing

Special Events This Week

  • Monday, 3:00 PM Pennington Intervention: Eddie Pratt
  • Tuesday, 3:00 PM World Beats Music And Dance: Live From Pennington Rec Center
  • Wednesday, 3:00 PM State of the Town Address with Mayor Sue Hallinan
  • Thursday, 3:00 PM PHS Pep Rally: Go Deer!
  • Friday, 3:00 PM Pennington Junior College Presents: Pennington Rocks!: A look into Pennington's music scene with Kara and Cam
  • Saturday, 1:00 PM WONN5 Presents: Implosion of the old Wheatman's Pride cracker factory LIVE!

More from this section

Deep Blue Quietly Celebrates 10th Anniversary With Garry Kasparov’s Ex-Wife

PITTSBURGH—Red wine and candlelight on the table before them, Deep Blue, the supercomputer that defeated reigning world chess champion Garry Kasparov in 1997, and Kasparov’s ex-wife, Yulia Vovk, quietly celebrated their 10th anniversary on Wednesday at a small French restaurant near Carnegie Mellon University, where Deep Blue was created.

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