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Little Butterball Holding Up Ice Cream Line

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Report: Saxophone Still An Okay Vehicle For Self-Expression

While declaring that the musical instrument was by no means ideally suited to the task, a report released by the National Endowment for the Arts Thursday concluded that the saxophone nevertheless remains a fairly decent vehicle for expressing one’s ...

Man Has Loyalty To Pretzel Brand

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Only News Source Man Trusts Has Logo Of Eyeball In Crosshairs

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Wedding Photographer Keeps Calling Bride’s Parents ‘Mom’ And ‘Dad’

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Little Butterball Holding Up Ice Cream Line

HARRISBURG, PA—According to witnesses who are sweating their nuts off, the line at the Baskin-Robbins is currently 12 people deep, thanks to an indecisive little butterball holding things up at the counter. Sources said the chubster, whose breath has almost completely fogged up the glass display case, already has chocolate on his shirt, and is now regarding the ice cream selection with the sort of glazed look typical of the heavily sedated. In the event that Mr. Porkpie ever makes up his mind, it is unlikely that he'll be able to reach into the pockets of his stretched-to-the-limit pants to pull out the money to oh my God, he just asked for another sample despite the fact that everybody in this goddamn line knows he's going to get the chocolate peanut butter. Store regulars said the situation wouldn't be so bad, but the manager had to run to the bank for change, leaving only Wendy behind the counter to wait on this sausage-boy, and she's no rocket scientist.

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