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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Little League Coach Reveals Creepy Method For Breaking In Baseball Mitt

KILLEEN, TX—Telling the assembled group of third-graders that they had to oil it down and tie it up real good, 38-year-old Killeen Kougars coach Dan Behling explained, in creepy detail, how to break in a baseball glove Monday. "A good glove will be with you for a long time, so you got to treat it like your girl," Behling said to the innocent 9-year-olds as they stared at their feet. "Don't use the cheap stuff. Get good oil. It'll feel tight at first, but just keep pounding and pounding. She'll loosen up." Despite their discomfort, members of the team were unable to argue with the method, which resulted in a smooth, supple glove that warmly caressed—rather than loosely hung off—the hand.

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