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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Little League World Series Player Ejected For Arguing With Umpire About 'Avatar: The Last Airbender'

WILLIAMSPORT, PA—Hamilton West Side's shortstop Tyson Baker, 11, was ejected in the fourth inning of Saturday's Little League World Series game after arguing with the umpire over a controversial call that Appa the flying bison was the best character on Avatar: The Last Airbender. "What are you blind? Aang is totally better," said Baker, who kicked dirt on home plate and threw his bat down the first-base line. "That's such bullcrap. Aang can make a ball of air and sit on it to fly around. Appa is just a flying cow. You're such an idiot that you probably liked it when Aang and Katara kissed." The umpire reportedly decided to toss Baker from the game after the 11-year-old accused him of wanting to be best friends with Fire Lord Ozai.

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