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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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Little League World Series Player Ejected For Arguing With Umpire About 'Avatar: The Last Airbender'

WILLIAMSPORT, PA—Hamilton West Side's shortstop Tyson Baker, 11, was ejected in the fourth inning of Saturday's Little League World Series game after arguing with the umpire over a controversial call that Appa the flying bison was the best character on Avatar: The Last Airbender. "What are you blind? Aang is totally better," said Baker, who kicked dirt on home plate and threw his bat down the first-base line. "That's such bullcrap. Aang can make a ball of air and sit on it to fly around. Appa is just a flying cow. You're such an idiot that you probably liked it when Aang and Katara kissed." The umpire reportedly decided to toss Baker from the game after the 11-year-old accused him of wanting to be best friends with Fire Lord Ozai.

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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

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