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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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Little League World Series Winners Must Be Getting Tons Of Pussy Right Now

WILLIAMSPORT, PA—After defeating a Japanese team 2-1 to win the Little League World Series, the 12-year-old champions from Huntington Beach, CA are, without a doubt, up to their ears in pussy, sources reported Friday. “They win the biggest game on the biggest stage—there’s no way they’re leaving the house without wading hip-deep in trim,” said LLWS color commentator Orel Hershiser, adding that every member of the team is probably getting his own wet right now. “The second a woman finds out she’s talking to a Little League World Series champ, she gets all flushed and will basically do anything. I’m talking the nastiest of stuff. With all that puss in their faces, I just hope those kids can breathe.” Current major-league player and former Little League World Series winner Jason Varitek told reporters he got more pussy after winning the 1984 championship than at any other point in his life, and said the kids should just enjoy it while it lasts.

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