After Birth

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run
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Little Leaguer Admits It Would Be 'Pretty Cool' To Kill Someone With Line Drive

BEDFORD, NH—Amidst consideration of new safety regulations that would ban the use of aluminum bats in Little League competition, a small but outspoken minority of players including Bedford's Jeff Priest are fascinated by the prospect of taking another player's life with a well-hit baseball. "Sure, it'd be tragic, and I'd hate for it to happen to me or anyone I know, " said Priest, thoughtfully running his hands over the aluminum bat he used last season, "but to see, say, the pitcher go down for good after your batted ball hit him in the head, or maybe right above his heart… I just think it's something you'd never forget is all." Priest's teammates generally agreed that the experience would be "pretty cool," but declined his subsequent invitation to throw him some batting practice.

After Birth

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