Little Pussy Has To Take Phone Call In Other Room

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Vol 50 Issue 12

Eating Small Meals Throughout Day Doesn’t Help Weight Loss

Contradicting the theory that eating small meals throughout the day is effective for weight loss, a new study has found that eating frequent small portions of food doesn’t actually help people lose weight any more than those who eat three meals per ...

Batman Turns 75

Sunday marks the 75th anniversary of Batman’s first appearance in DC Comics. Here is a timeline of important events in the evolution of the Caped Crusader from comic book hero to billion-dollar franchise

Apple To Diversify Emojis

Responding to criticism that their emojis aren’t diverse enough, Apple has announced that they are working with programmers to add more multicultural and racially diverse faces to its 845-icon catalogue of emojis.

Mark From Sales Currently Leading Bracket Pool

FINDLAY, OH—Following the first four Sweet 16 games of this year’s NCAA Tournament, sources at local marketing firm Jones-Brannon Media confirmed Friday that Mark from sales is currently leading the office bracket pool.

4 Senators Mauled During Congressional Tiger Show

WASHINGTON—Four United States senators are reportedly recovering in Washington-area hospitals today following a shocking and grisly incident Thursday night, when a 480-pound male tiger brutally mauled the elected officials in front of a full audienc...
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Little Pussy Has To Take Phone Call In Other Room

PEORIA, IL—Daintily rising from his desk chair as he meekly whispered a pitiful apology into his iPhone, local accounting assistant and pathetic little pussy Andrew Kirby, 32, reportedly needed to take an incoming call in another room Thursday, office sources confirmed. “Hold on, let me go somewhere quiet,” said the cowering excuse for a man while scampering like a little bitch into an unoccupied conference room where he could hold his oh-so-precious conversation without fear of coworkers overhearing. “Sorry about that. You there? Okay, good.” At press time, the company’s sales team had entered the conference room for a meeting, forcing the gabby, ball-less weakling to emit a girly little sigh and puss out altogether by saying he would call the other person back later.

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