Liz Taylor In Stable Condition Following Emergency Rhinestonectomy

Top Headlines

Recent News

Journeyman Fan Joins Sixth NFL Team In 5 Years

HELENA, MT—Continuing his lengthy trek around the league, sources confirmed Friday that 36-year-old journeyman fan Brian Ferretti has joined the Arizona Cardinals, his sixth team in the past five years.

Is The Nation Ready For The Next Katrina?

Friday marks the 10-year anniversary of when Hurricane Katrina devastated New Orleans, and many commentators have argued that not enough has been done over the past decade to address infrastructure and emergency response issues that could put coastal cities nationwide, including New Orleans, at risk of a catastrophe on a similar scale. Is the nation prepared for another Katrina?

Department Of Labor Study Confirms Your Job Most Demanding

‘None Of Your Friends Understand How Hard It Is,’ Report Reads

WASHINGTON—Noting that the level of mental strain associated with the profession was far and away the highest recorded, a federal study on workplace conditions and occupational stress released Thursday has confirmed that your job is the most demanding career in the entire nation, and that none of your friends or family fully understand how hard it is.

Neighborhood Starting To Get Too Safe For Family To Afford

CHICAGO—Explaining that the sense of unease she felt walking to and from her home had declined markedly over the years, Humboldt Park resident Kirsten Healy expressed her disappointment to reporters Thursday that her neighborhood was becoming too safe for her family to afford.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Protection

  • Guards Gun Down Four Angels Escaping From Heaven

    THE HEAVENS—Killing four and critically wounding several others, armed guards dispatched from the Right Hand of God reportedly opened fire early Monday morning on a group of angels attempting to escape from heaven. One of the Eternal Kingdom’s...

Entertainment

  • How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Liz Taylor In Stable Condition Following Emergency Rhinestonectomy

LOS ANGELES—It was a return to the days of old-fashioned Hollywood surgical glamour Saturday, as Elizabeth Taylor was rushed to Yul Brynner Memorial Hospital for an emergency rhinestonectomy.

Liz Taylor greets the press and adoring fans following surgery to remove years of excess jewel build-up in her brain.

"Years of trinket build-up, in which millions of bits of jewelry and various other baubles collected within Miss Taylor's brainpan, had caused a rhinestone of life-threatening size to develop in her cerebral cortex," Dr. Richard Ambrose, the media-dubbed "Surgeon To The Stars," told reporters.

Surgeons worked heroically to save the life of the still-stunning 65-year-old star of Butterfield 8 and Cat On A Hot Tin Roof, anesthetizing her with champagne mimosas before unlatching her breathtaking face for safe keeping and entering the brain cavity to remove the golf ball-sized rhinestone.

The dazzling rhinestone will be auctioned at Sotheby's later this month to benefit AIDS research, a spokesperson for Taylor said.

A team of five top medical professionals was required for the procedure, including two anesthesiologist/bartenders, two neurological surgeons and an additional doctor whose job was to stare lovingly into Taylor's legendary violet eyes.

"Fortunately, we were able to remove the immense, glittering mass without doing any damage to Miss Taylor's beautiful hair," Ambrose said. "That's because her extensively reconstructed nose has, at this point, become so elastic that a human fist can be directly inserted into the brain via the sinus passages."

A virtual Who's Who of the Hollywood elite showed up for the gala neurosurgical event.

"We're so glad that Liz pulled through," said a teary-eyed Nicole Kidman, who attended the rhinestonectomy with husband Tom Cruise and fellow Hollywood power couple John Travolta and Kelly Preston. "And have you tried the paté? Its simply sinful!"

"I first fell in love with Liz when I was 11 years old, when I saw her in International Velvet," star of stage and screen Nathan Lane said. "And let me tell you, she looked more gorgeous than ever today under that knife."

The 16-hour procedure consisted of eight hours of surgery plus dinner; dancing; a video tribute to Taylor, narrated by Paul Newman; and a special celebrity fund-raising equestrian event. Though paparazzi were banned from the exclusive black-tie medical procedure, some two dozen press helicopters hovered overhead, hoping to snap a photo of the Queen of Glamour's major neurosurgery, which was held in Yul Brynner Memorial Hospital's brand-new, $150 million open-air atrium.

The operation represents Taylor's most serious health crisis since May 1994, when doctors performed an emergency husbosuction to remove massive husbidinal residue—which had accumulated over the course of the star's 22 marriages—from her chest cavity. The amount of husbandic tissue removed was enough to form homunculi of seven adult men, three of which are Richard Burton and are now alive and well in the Southern California area.

After successful completion of the surgery, Taylor was returned to her private berth at the the exclusive Santa Fortuna Pacific Yacht Club for after-surgery drinks and recuperation.