Local Authorities More Than Happy To Let FBI Take Over

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Vol 43 Issue 17

MLB Credits Hank Aaron With 50 Lost Home Runs

MILWAUKEE—In what Major League Baseball officials are calling a "long overdue correction of a gross oversight," Commissioner Bud Selig announced yesterday the discovery that Hall of Famer Hank Aaron had in fact accumulated 50 previously...

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Gov. Ted Kulongoski of Oregon is living on a budget of a week's worth of food stamps for the state's Hunger Awareness Week. What do you think?
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Local Authorities More Than Happy To Let FBI Take Over

BUDA, TX—Officials with the Hays County sheriff's department said Monday they were "extremely relieved" to hand over to FBI investigators the highest-profile homicide case ever to come across their desks.

"It was an absolute godsend to see those college boys from the East Coast come waltzing into my crime scene and start bossing everyone around after we'd spent months doing the legwork," said Sheriff Hap Lansdale, who has no interest in figuring out why Buda's richest businessman, a Houston call girl, and a Congressional aide were found bound, naked, and strangled in the basement of the mayor's residence. "If they think we're just a bunch of country bumpkins who are going to step aside while they take all the credit, well, they're absolutely correct."

Lansdale has said that in lieu of "angrily throwing [his] hat on the ground and shouting that [he's] the sheriff around here," he will focus on enjoying his extra free time.

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