Local Child Has Run-Of-The-Mill Imagination

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Vol 46 Issue 20

Deranged Gunman Opens Fire On Shooting Range

SAN ANTONIO—After a brief exchange with the gun range manager, the remorseless gunman purchased a box of ammunition, showed two pieces of ID, signed in, walked to stall No. 17, and at once began his crazed shooting spree.

Steve Nash

The Suns average significantly more points when their seasoned point guard is on the court. Is he any good?

LeBron's Next Team

In scant weeks, LeBron James will be the most desirable free agent in recent memory. Where will basketball's biggest catch choose to go?
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Local Child Has Run-Of-The-Mill Imagination

PORTLAND, OR—According to sources in his home and school, the inner fantasy life of 6-year-old Connor Haney is not at all unique or vibrant. "Standard imagination, really," his teacher Joan Pershing told reporters. "Today at recess he was playing policeman and 'catching a bad guy.' So basically, he was pretending he had a job. Not exactly what I'd call visionary." Connor's mother, Sharon, concurred, displaying a crayon drawing and saying, "Look at this picture he drew. Ooh, wow, our house. Gee, where'd he dream that up?"

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