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Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

Universe Crueler, More Uncaring Place Than Previously Thought

The universe, long known as a bleak and unforgiving place where essentially nothing matters, is in fact even crueler and more heartless than previously thought, according to a startling report published Tuesday by scientists at the Institute for Advanced ...

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run
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Local Company Introduces New Take Your Daughter’s Friend To Work Day

COLUMBUS, OH—Announcing a new program designed to encourage the presence of women in the workplace, Central Ohio Heating & Cooling has encouraged employees to participate in next Friday’s first annual Bring Your Daughter’s Friend To Work Day. “This event is an excellent opportunity for you to bring in your daughter’s friend—the one she plays soccer with—and let her see how a real company works while giving her the chance to meet and spend time with other employees,” a company-wide memo urged all staffers. “Space is limited, so please make your plans now to ensure a spot for the friend. The blonde one, not the tall brown-haired one.” The memo added that if the friend happens to have soccer practice after the workday ends, she can just show up already in her uniform.

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