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A Primer On The Dark Web

With many crimes now originating on encrypted areas of the internet, many wonder about the so-called dark web and its activities. The Onion provides a primer on this obscured digital space:

Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.
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Local Dullard Opts For Vocational School

MILFORD, MD—In an attempt to earn more than $5.50 per hour, Alice Stellsen, a local dullard and mother of two, will attend Maryland Tech School this fall. "I was thinking of going into cosmetology or maybe data entry," she said Saturday. Both vocations, according to Stellsen, are nonspecific skills that anyone with a high-school education could learn to do, and therefore require no special talent or aptitude. "I am not special," she said. "Anyone could be taught these skills."

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