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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Local Extension Cord Blasted For Failing To Reach Outlet

STILSON, GA—A local extension cord came under fire Monday when the four-foot length of electrical wiring failed to stretch from the end of area man Dwight Seidl's television cord to a nearby wall outlet. "The sole function I required of this incompetent [extension cord] was to provide a connection between my TV power adaptor and the AC current in that outlet. Sadly, it was completely unable to perform even this simple task," Seidl, who purchased the orange Black & Decker multi-socket extension cord that afternoon, told members of the media during a heated press conference. "I stand by my earlier claims that the cord is a son of a bitch bastard piece of shit." The extension cord's misstep has reportedly taken some heat off a much-maligned one-inch piece of Scotch tape, which Seidl has twice blasted for failing to hold up his wall calendar.

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