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Overeager Simpleton Destroys That Which He Loves Most

WICHITA, KS—Agonizingly unaware of his own strength and the devastation it might inflict on the innocent, overeager simpleton Rob McCormick tore apart a bag of potato chips Thursday, despite the fact that it was reportedly what he loved most in all the world.

Raccoon Family Tired Of Taking Care Of Rabid Father

MONTGOMERY, WV—Acknowledging that he has become a real burden on their foraging and nesting activities, a local raccoon family told reporters Tuesday that they are starting to get tired of taking care of their rabid father.
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Local Fabric Store Urges You To Check Them Out On Twitter

CHAMPLIN, MN—According to a sign in the front window of Famous Fabrics on Beacon Avenue, the yarn and cloth shop has its own Twitter account through which interested parties can stay informed of all the store's latest news. "Check us out on Twitter!" reads the poster, as do two smaller page-sized printouts affixed to each cash register inside. "And become our 'friend' on Facebook!" At press time, the store's Twitter feed, which can be found at www.twitter.com/famousfabrics, comprised two posts spaced two weeks apart.

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