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‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

Nation Not Sure How To Describe Mark

‘You Would Have To Meet Him,’ Millions Say

WASHINGTON—Saying you’d understand what they were talking about the moment you laid eyes on him, the entire nation reported Monday that it was kind of hard to describe Mark and you’d just have to meet him.

Report: Shit, Last Night Was Trash Night

CHELSEA, MA—Stopping in his tracks upon discovering his entire block lined with empty bins, local man Roger Peters reported Thursday that, shit, last night was trash night.
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Local Fabric Store Urges You To Check Them Out On Twitter

CHAMPLIN, MN—According to a sign in the front window of Famous Fabrics on Beacon Avenue, the yarn and cloth shop has its own Twitter account through which interested parties can stay informed of all the store's latest news. "Check us out on Twitter!" reads the poster, as do two smaller page-sized printouts affixed to each cash register inside. "And become our 'friend' on Facebook!" At press time, the store's Twitter feed, which can be found at www.twitter.com/famousfabrics, comprised two posts spaced two weeks apart.

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