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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Local Man's Fear Of Snakes Increases With Each Snakebite

PONCA CITY, OK—Highway engineer Dan Guischard, 29, has an irrational phobia of snakebites that only worsens with each successive snakebite, sources close to him said Monday. "He was pretty bad already before that rattler got him while he was surveying the Highway 44 on-ramp, and he became practically intolerable after he was bitten by a cottonmouth on that camping trip," said friend John Lancie, who recalled that Guischard once missed three weeks of high school because of a snakebite. "It's so bad now that, last week, when he was changing a flat and saw a snake, he totally lost it. Which is probably why the snake bit him." Guischard, packing for a two-week family vacation to the Arizona desert, was unavailable for comment.

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