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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Local Pool-Club Record-Holder Upset To Hear Michael Phelps Just Joined

ANN ARBOR, MI—Ann Arbor Pool Club member Edwin Peters, 32, a club record-holder in the 200-meter freestyle, the 200-meter individual medley, and the 200-meter butterfly, was disappointed to learn yesterday that Olympic champion Michael Phelps just joined the swimming club. "I understand records are made to be broken, but come on," said Peters, who is well aware that Phelps owns world records in the events previously mentioned. "I think this is going to make for a pretty lopsided club championship." Phelps was unavailable for comment, but many have said that his competitive nature will not allow him to take it easy on Peters or any other member of the Ann Arbor Pool Club.

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