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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Local Sports Reporter Recycles Same High School Volleyball Season Preview For 18th Year In A Row

RUMFORD, ME—Tasked with writing the Rumford Falls Times’s annual preview of the Mountain Valley High girls’ volleyball season, local sports reporter Patrick Carver again reused, verbatim, the article that has run at the start of every season since 1995, sources at the paper confirmed Friday. “Mountain Valley has a talented team this year,” read the feature that, as always, praised the team’s “strong group of returning seniors” but also predicted the squad “will be looking for some younger players to step up.” “[Cross-state rivals] Wells is going to be tough to beat—they always are—but if the Falcons can fill their roles and play solid defense, they have a great chance at the championship.” For the 18th consecutive year, the preview listed a Megan Johnson as a “key player to watch.”

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