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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Local Teen Walks In On Family Masturbating

SALEM, OR—In a humiliating incident that all parties involved said they would “never get over,” Peter Miklewski, 15, confirmed he came home from school early Monday and accidentally walked in on seven members of his family masturbating in the living room. “Aaagh! Get out of here, goddammit!” shouted Peter’s parents, David and Jessica; his sister, Virginia; his older brother, Caleb; and his grandmother Emily, while his younger brother, Mark, and his aunt Fay reportedly scrambled to turn off the pornographic video they had been watching. “Why the hell don’t you knock?” Sources said that after leaving the room, Peter sighed, concluded his family members were simply at those ages, and decided never to discuss the incident with them.

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