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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Local Welder Suffering From Welder's Block

EASTON, PA–Area welder Bruce Meacham admitted Monday that he is suffering from a severe case of welder's block. "I know what I want to do," Meacham said. "I need to get this supporting strut attached to the main body of this girder. But I keep running into a wall every time I sit down and try to actually weld." Meacham said he spent the better part of last Saturday putting on his goggles, starting up his acetylene torch, and then merely staring at the two pieces of metal for hours. "You've got to understand, welding is a creative act," Meacham said. "It's not the kind of thing where you can just punch the clock and do it from nine to five."

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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