adBlockCheck

Recent News

Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
End Of Section
  • More News

Local Woman Has Story About How She Got These Shoes

NATICK, MA–Mandy Walters has an interesting story about how she got these shoes, the Boston-area file clerk said Monday. "Okay, I'm driving to my mom's in Vermont when I stop to get gas," Walters told coworker Janet Bloch. "As I'm paying, I notice the time on the receipt, and it's an hour earlier than I thought, so I ask the guy if their clock is off. He says no, 'cause it turns out the night before was daylight savings. So, suddenly, I have an hour to kill, and what's right across the street? An outlet mall! And the Payless store had these for only $29.99!" Walters' blouse, purchased at the same mall, is reportedly another story altogether.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close