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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Local Yak Makes Plea For Greater Understanding Between the Sexes

ULAAN BAATAR, MONGOLIA—Fed up with the way men and women "sabotage perfectly good relationships by failing to communicate," a local yak made a public plea Tuesday for greater understanding between the sexes.

A local yak says that men and women often speak entirely different languages.

"Men and women need to work at bridging the gap between them," said the yak, speaking from a flooded rice plain near Ulaan Baatar. "Most people are very good at hearing, but lousy at listening."

"I hear people say all the time, 'I'm giving everything to this relationship, but I'm getting nothing back,'" said the yak, slathering himself in mud to cool off from the midday sun. "When I hear that, I think to myself, 'Well, then, don't keep giving!' Would you buy a lottery ticket if there were no drawing? Well, that's exactly what so many people are doing."

Though the yak believes both men and women need to improve their relationship skills, he said women are often all too tolerant of men who are bad for them. "A guy could be a controlling, insensitive, selfish, two-timing jerk, but a lot of women will still give him a second, third and fourth chance," the yak said. "Well, when Prince Charming keeps turning into a toad, kiss him goodbye. Recycling is for garbage."

The yak is currently working on the follow-up to his 1995 best-seller, You Just Don't Understand! 15 Stupid Things Men and Women Do To Ruin Perfectly Good Relationships.

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