Location Of Newest Mass Shooting Revealed

Top Headlines

Recent News

End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage



  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

    ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.

Location Of Newest Mass Shooting Revealed

It’s A Navy Yard, Authorities Confirm

WASHINGTON—After less than two months of waiting, the nation was informed this morning that the location of America’s latest mass shooting is a navy yard. “It’s a navy yard in Washington, D.C.,” a federal law enforcement official said during a press conference, adding that U.S. citizens should envision the typical scenes of chaos and bloodshed they’ve become familiar with, but this time imagine them happening in a navy yard. “I can only speculate, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the next mass shooting happens in an amusement park, or an Apple store, or even an apple orchard in Salem. Who the hell even knows anymore? Maybe it’ll be in a supermarket parking lot because we haven’t had one of those in a while. Either way, I’m sure the location of the next mass shooting will be revealed in due time. Thank you.” Though some Americans reportedly thought the latest mass shooting would end up being at a school or possibly a city park, many weren’t that surprised it was a navy yard, saying that “a navy yard seems about right this time around.”