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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Locker Room Reporter Still Hasn’t Gotten Used To Seeing Jerry Jones Naked

IRVING, TX—Despite having frequently visited NFL locker rooms for several years, Dallas Morning News sports reporter Adam Laverty confirmed Monday that he’s still not accustomed to the sight of Cowboys owner Jerry Jones walking around naked after every home game. “At the end of the day, it’s a locker room, so you definitely expect to see guys changing in there, but it still feels a little weird when Jerry comes out of the showers dripping wet and totally nude,” said Laverty, adding that it is not uncommon for the 71-year-old to playfully snap towels at Cowboys players in the middle of postgame interviews with reporters. “He’ll stand there toweling off for 20 minutes, and then he’ll do a few laps around the locker room with absolutely nothing on, talking to different players and giving his thoughts on the game. It’s very distracting.” Laverty confirmed the situation has become increasingly awkward since he noticed that the discolored mole on Jones’ scrotum has been growing larger every week.

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