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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Logo Of Smiling Cartoon Tooth Holding Brush Inspires Nothing But Confidence In Local Oral Surgeon

GREENEVILLE, TN—A cartoon image of a giant tooth smiling and holding a toothbrush in the window of Dr. Howard Goldenthal’s office inspires nothing but total, unqualified confidence in his abilities, local patients of the oral surgeon confirmed Tuesday. “I was initially pretty nervous about getting my wisdom teeth out, but after seeing a sign on Dr. Goldenthal’s office featuring an anthropomorphic tooth waving a big toothbrush in one hand and giving a thumbs up with the other, I realized my concerns were both unfounded and ridiculous,” said 24-year-old Dennis Kierstead, adding that the fact that the tooth is happy and clean-looking is, in itself, proof positive that Dr. Goldenthal is a trained medical professional of the highest stature. “I looked into the tooth’s big, round, googly eyes and immediately thought, ‘What am I worried about? This is clearly an establishment of unblemished excellence, and I have no problem with this dentist anaesthetizing me and sticking sharp metal instruments into my mouth.’” Kierstead also confirmed he was put even more at ease after seeing the name of the establishment was Dependable Dental.

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