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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Area Man

This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.

Lolo Jones

Track and Field, Hurdles — Des Moines, Iowa

Event At Which She’s Most Likely To Win Gold: 60-meter tripping

Workout Routine: Carefully watched by leering creeps

Disappointment: Wind-assisted 7.88 at 2007 nationals marred by fact that wind only did it to get in her pants

Post-Olympic Plans: To finish writing book about her choice to live as an adult virgin, Jump Hurdles, Not Guys

Occupation: Still looking for full-time job jumping over small barriers

NEXT: Jordyn Wieber