adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
End Of Section
  • More News

Lolo Jones

Track and Field, Hurdles — Des Moines, Iowa

Event At Which She’s Most Likely To Win Gold: 60-meter tripping

Workout Routine: Carefully watched by leering creeps

Disappointment: Wind-assisted 7.88 at 2007 nationals marred by fact that wind only did it to get in her pants

Post-Olympic Plans: To finish writing book about her choice to live as an adult virgin, Jump Hurdles, Not Guys

Occupation: Still looking for full-time job jumping over small barriers

NEXT: Jordyn Wieber

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close