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Sports

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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Lolo Jones Becomes First American To Be Objectified In Both Winter And Summer Events

SOCHI, RUSSIA—Once again attracting widespread attention in the media for her looks, U.S. Olympic bobsled team member and track star Lolo Jones has become the first American to be objectified in both the Winter and Summer Olympics. “To be selected as the target of either praise or condemnation for reasons based solely on my physical appearance in two different games is truly an honor,” said Jones, adding that the achievement would not have been possible without the national media’s longstanding practice of placing a disproportionate emphasis on the beauty of female athletes as well as the forces of marketing and advertising that encourage that mentality. “At first it was hard learning how to submit myself to stereotypical representations of women in two completely different sports, until I started seeing the similarities between the two. At the end of the day I’m still being asked to pose in skintight suits for photoshoots and visit talk shows under the false pretense of discussing my athletic accomplishments.” Though the 31-year-old athlete confirmed she is still experiencing pre-race jitters, Jones believes that she has what it takes to compete for another endorsement exploiting her sex appeal.

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