adBlockCheck

Lolo Jones Becomes First American To Be Objectified In Both Winter And Summer Events

Top Headlines

Sports

Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Television

Surprises

  • Email From Mom Sent At 5:32 A.M.

    DENVER—After waking up and finding the message waiting on his computer, local man Drew Swanson confirmed to reporters Thursday that his mother had sent him an email at 5:32 a.m.

Lolo Jones Becomes First American To Be Objectified In Both Winter And Summer Events

SOCHI, RUSSIA—Once again attracting widespread attention in the media for her looks, U.S. Olympic bobsled team member and track star Lolo Jones has become the first American to be objectified in both the Winter and Summer Olympics. “To be selected as the target of either praise or condemnation for reasons based solely on my physical appearance in two different games is truly an honor,” said Jones, adding that the achievement would not have been possible without the national media’s longstanding practice of placing a disproportionate emphasis on the beauty of female athletes as well as the forces of marketing and advertising that encourage that mentality. “At first it was hard learning how to submit myself to stereotypical representations of women in two completely different sports, until I started seeing the similarities between the two. At the end of the day I’m still being asked to pose in skintight suits for photoshoots and visit talk shows under the false pretense of discussing my athletic accomplishments.” Though the 31-year-old athlete confirmed she is still experiencing pre-race jitters, Jones believes that she has what it takes to compete for another endorsement exploiting her sex appeal.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close