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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.
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Lone House With No Halloween Decorations By Far Spookiest In Neighborhood

OGALLALA, NE—The only house on the street that remains unadorned with Halloween decorations is far and away the spookiest home in the entire neighborhood, residents of Parkhill Drive told reporters today. “That place gives me the creeps,” said Jenna Dorsey, 36, who noted the residence’s eerie lack of fake cobwebs, hanging bats, or skeleton window decals. “Nobody really knows the people who live there very well, but whoever they are, they don’t celebrate holidays, I guess. It’s all a little spooky—the fluorescent lights glowing in the kitchen, the Ford Taurus parked in the garage, the front yard that’s completely overgrown with weeds.” Sources who briefly glimpsed a sullen-looking man wearing jeans and a T-shirt and walking around inside the house confirmed the sight was far more frightening than any costume they had seen yet today.

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