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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Long-Lost Georgia O'Keeffe Watercolor Found

ALBUQUERQUE, NM—The art world is abuzz following the recent discovery of a long-lost Georgia O'Keeffe watercolor.

A pair of museum-goers take in the details of <I>Spreading Tulip </I>(1926), a recently discovered work from artist Georgia O'Keeffe's famed pink period.

Spreading Tulip, painted by O'Keeffe in 1926, was missing for more than 70 years before being discovered Monday in the attic of Regina Pelphrey, 82, of Las Cruces, NM.

Art historians are hailing the watercolor, valued at $10 million, as one of the most significant art finds in decades.

"This is an extraordinary work, one of the finest examples of O'Keeffe's legendary pink period," said Genevieve Reynolds, curator of Albuquerque's Museum Of The American Southwest, where the painting is being displayed.

"Note the moist, delicate lips of the flower, which are opening wide as if ready to be pollinated. Thirsty for contact, this ripe young bud seems to be eagerly spreading itself open, as if to invite us, the viewer, to partake of its sweet nectar."

Virginia Young of the Art Institute of Chicago agreed. "Spreading Tulip represents a sublime creative peak for Georgia O'Keeffe, a glorious climax to her most fertile period."

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