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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.
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Long-Lost Georgia O'Keeffe Watercolor Found

ALBUQUERQUE, NM—The art world is abuzz following the recent discovery of a long-lost Georgia O'Keeffe watercolor.

A pair of museum-goers take in the details of <I>Spreading Tulip </I>(1926), a recently discovered work from artist Georgia O'Keeffe's famed pink period.

Spreading Tulip, painted by O'Keeffe in 1926, was missing for more than 70 years before being discovered Monday in the attic of Regina Pelphrey, 82, of Las Cruces, NM.

Art historians are hailing the watercolor, valued at $10 million, as one of the most significant art finds in decades.

"This is an extraordinary work, one of the finest examples of O'Keeffe's legendary pink period," said Genevieve Reynolds, curator of Albuquerque's Museum Of The American Southwest, where the painting is being displayed.

"Note the moist, delicate lips of the flower, which are opening wide as if ready to be pollinated. Thirsty for contact, this ripe young bud seems to be eagerly spreading itself open, as if to invite us, the viewer, to partake of its sweet nectar."

Virginia Young of the Art Institute of Chicago agreed. "Spreading Tulip represents a sublime creative peak for Georgia O'Keeffe, a glorious climax to her most fertile period."

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