adBlockCheck

Recent News

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
End Of Section
  • More News

Longtime Employee Given Small Pewter Object

ROANOKE, VA—Thomas Campa, a retiring 40-year employee of Wadman & Long Distributing, was presented with a small pewter object Tuesday in recognition of his four decades with the company. "This is our way of saying ‘Thank you’ for all you have given Wadman & Long over the years," CEO Michael Dutler said. The pewter object, described by witnesses as "shiny," was nestled in an attractive cardboard display case, cushioned by a perforated imitation-velvet card. The object was bestowed upon Campa in an approximately one-minute ceremony at his desk at 4:54 p.m., after which cake was served. Campa, who has reportedly missed eight days of work in his career, observed the milestone privately later that night by finishing a bottle of Tanqueray gin.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close