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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Loser Friend Sort Of Doing Better

ANAHEIM, CA—Despite a long history of unstable living arrangements, failed relationships, and an overall inability to get his shit together, Ted Harmon's life may have slightly improved since anyone saw him last, friends of the longtime loser reported Monday.

"He was real messed up over losing his job last year, but he's apparently looking for a new one now," Harmon's friend Kelly Myers told mutual acquaintance Sandy Upton, adding that Harmon finally got that tooth fixed. "And [mutual friend] Bob [Vindermeyer] told me he heard [Harmon] might be trying to start patching things up with his daughter."

Harmon was unreachable for comment.

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