Loser Older Brother Looked Up To

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Vol 43 Issue 29

Whole Foods CEO Under Inquiry

John Mackey, CEO of Whole Foods, is currently being investigated for anonymously posting to Yahoo investment groups about Wild Oats, which his...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Loser Older Brother Looked Up To

WORCESTER, MA—Though on probation for shoplifting a key chain from a local auto parts store and unemployed since dropping out of high school seven months ago, 18-year-old loser Tim Everdyke still commands the unwavering adulation of his younger brother, Jason, 12.

"Tim is so cool," Jason said of Everdyke, to whom he recently lent his entire weekly allowance of $18. "He rides an awesome moped and he lives in the basement, plus he sleeps in as late as he wants, sometimes until like four in the afternoon."

Jason had little to say about his "lame" older sister, ultrasound technician Christine Everdyke, 26, other than to point out that she had never once passed out drunk in a stone quarry.

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