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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Losing Super Bowl Team Gets Locker-Room Condolence Call From John Kerry

JACKSONVILLE, FL—Battered and demoralized after their 24-21 defeat at the hands of the New England Patriots in Super Bowl XXXIX Sunday, the Philadelphia Eagles had their mood reinforced by a locker-room call from defeated presidential challenger John Kerry. "What'd we talk about? Oh, you know, losing the biggest game of all against a national audience, most of whom didn't really care anyway," said Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb, who like Kerry had a less-than-stellar showing. "And how hard it is to watch those smug, self-satisfied, so-called Patriots strut around like peacocks afterwards. I could relate." Kerry also gave the Eagles advice on keeping their team's game plan from becoming muddled and inconsistent, and showing decisive leadership in the wake of a big loss.

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