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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Lost Cat, Dog On Journey Die Immediately

JACKSON, WY—After their owners inadvertently left them behind in Yellowstone National Park, Louie, a 4-year-old golden retriever, and Nipsy, a 3-year-old longhair cat, were killed within minutes of beginning their heartwarming journey home, sources reported Monday. "It looks like right after leaving the campsite they fell off a cliff and died upon impact with the highway below," park ranger Ken Hinkley said after discovering their barely recognizable bodies, which had been partially eaten by a cougar the pair likely would have outsmarted with adorably clever teamwork had they survived. "After that, it appears their carcasses were run over by a tractor-trailer, probably operated by a gruff but kindhearted truck driver who no doubt would have given them a lift. Poor little guys. Had to toss 'em in a ditch." Louie and Nipsy's family reportedly gave up hope immediately, and have already purchased a new kitten and puppy whom they love very much.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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