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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Lou Piniella Appeals For Suspension To Last For Entire Contract

CHICAGO—After MLB executive vice president for administration John McHale Jr. announced that Chicago Cubs manager Lou Piniella would be suspended for four games following his recent tirade, Piniella immediately appealed for his suspension to be extended for the duration of his contract. "What I did was inexcusable and I deserve to be punished to the fullest extent," said Piniella, whom observers say appeared contrite and apologetic. "This kind of on-field behavior is unprofessional and needs to be stopped, and Major League Baseball should make an example out of me by taking away the wonderful privilege of coaching the Chicago Cubs for the next three seasons. Please." Piniella ended his appeal by saying he had learned his lesson and that next time he would punch the umpire the first chance he got.

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