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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Lou Piniella Lauded For Not Getting Anyone's Hopes Up This Year

CHICAGO—Cubs fans, players, and employees alike are universally praising manager Lou Piniella for masterfully lowering their expectations and preparing them much earlier in the season for another year without a World Series victory. "The last two seasons have been heartbreaking, but this year he's done an incredible job of showing everyone the Cubs don't have a chance in hell way before we can start getting optimistic," said lifelong Cubs fan and Wilmette resident Michael Baskin, who added that he was excited to not worry about a postseason meltdown. "That's exactly what any real Cubs fan wants in a manager. He really earned his money this year." Baskin went on to clarify that he would never consider stabbing Piniella with an ice pick, nor have he and his friends ever fantasized about surrounding the Cubs manager in the Wrigley Field parking lot and brutally beating him to death with baseball bats.

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