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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Loud Fake Laugh Misinterpreted As Loud Real Laugh In Critical Sarcasm Miscalculation

DAYTON, OH—Confusion and awkwardness are still being felt after a boisterous guffaw intended to convey sarcastic dismissal of a comment was incorrectly interpreted as a positive response by the very person who was being mocked Tuesday. "My laughter led the speaker to infer that I was expressing approval and delight at his statement, and he therefore came away believing that I was supporting said statement when I was in fact ridiculing it," Clayton Obermeyer said of his remarks to coworker Derek Havers. "However, despite my heartfelt desire to puncture the arrogance of the speaker, an unfortunate opposite reaction seems to have taken hold." Obermeyer said he was really looking forward to attempting to explain the nature of sarcasm to Havers, because he was just so sure that the absolute genius would completely grasp every last word without the slightest little bit of trouble whatsoever.

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