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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Louisville Overcomes Early First-Round Loss To Advance To Elite Eight

SAN ANTONIO—After a slow start last Thursday in which they were upset in the first round by 13-seed Morehead State, the Louisville Cardinals have come roaring back in the NCAA Tournament, putting together several dominating performances and advancing to the Elite Eight. "Our guys didn't expect to lose that early, but if anything, that woke us up and made us realize how bad we really want this thing," said head coach Rick Pitino, adding that he was proud of his players for never giving up. "We're right back in it. And though we can't afford to lose too many more games, I've told our players that if we just concentrate on winning out, we can bring a title back to Louisville." In order to advance to the Final Four, the Cardinals will have to defeat a very strong Pitt team, who many analysts have dubbed the "Comeback Kids" for the way in which they rebounded from their early-round loss to Butler.

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