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Low-Budget Film Panders Just As Shamelessly As Big Studio Feature

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Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

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LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
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Low-Budget Film Panders Just As Shamelessly As Big Studio Feature

NEW YORK—Moviegoers were reportedly impressed this weekend by the ability of an independent feature produced on an $80,000 budget to be just as shamelessly pandering as any blockbuster from a major studio. "Wow. Between its cloying indie soundtrack, quirky animated title sequence, and tangential subplot ending in a failed suicide attempt, I felt every bit as patronized as I did watching Transformers 3," viewer Samantha Holmes, 26, said of the latest release from IFC Films, which stars Kat Dennings and, in a few key scenes in which emotional truths are revealed, Paul Dano. "Maybe even more so, since at least Transformers 3 wasn't pretending to be something it's not." Audience members confirmed the movie ends on a bittersweet note before credits roll to the whistling of a catchy melody accompanied by ukulele.

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